How do you help your elderly loved one get past their family customs and cultural beliefs to accept assistance in the home? How do you tell a loved one that you and your siblings are concerned about them living alone at home? How do you help them keep their independence without interfering in their life or making decisions for them?
These are issues that will not go away with time. To the contrary, everyone involved should be very proactive about such difficult topics. With advance planning, and straight forward discussions, the problem-solving process actually can work well, but it will take some concentrated effort by you, your siblings, and your loved one.
The first thing to know is that many of the conversations you will be having on your loved one's behalf could very well be emotional, and must be handled carefully. Setting up a family meeting can be a great place to begin to have discussions about the care they should be receiving. It may seem obvious, but in most cases, remember that they are the one who will be making choices about their life, not you or other family members. Your loved one should always be a central part of every discussion. If not, it could be difficult for you to find solutions that are acceptable to your loved one.
Family meetings should be positive and supportive. Many times, this support alone may be enough to convince the elder family member that they should begin to consider some form of home care before their health deteriorates. However, even with the most thought out and well planned family meeting, initial resistance is normal. Remember, you are touching upon a very important topic for them, their independence.
If your loved one shows signs of resistance, and would like to put the family meeting off for awhile, don't push them into having the meeting. Realize, they may need some time to prepare for such a discussion. Approach them again in a week or two, and suggest to have another time for the meeting. If they continue to resist, be a bit more assertive. Make sure they understand that both you, and other family members, want this meeting because you care about them, and are concerned about their well-being.
Some suggested methods to deal with resistance are:
* If your loved one's health and/or safety are at issue, say so, and push the discussion forward.
* Involve others, such as clergy, physicians, or a geriatric care manager.
* Use community resources to help everyone ease into the "care at home" process.
Make sure you have focused on what they feel are their issues, not just what you or others think are the concerns. They will be much more accepting of your concerns and wishes if they tie into their own concerns. If you suspect that resistance will be an issue, then it is wise to have an initial family meeting, prior to the one held with the loved one. This will give the family an opportunity to unite in their thoughts, which will help show your loved one that all of you are concerned about similar issues. The statement "strength in numbers" certainly does apply here.
After having the initial family meeting with your loved one, and everyone has had the opportunity to express their feelings and thoughts, gently suggest that they make an appointment with their physician to have a thorough evaluation. This professional evaluation can go a long way in helping them decide that they could use some assistance in their home. Don't nag them about this evaluation. Simply plant the seed and water it from time to time. Eventually, most elders realize that they cannot care for themselves as they once could. Seeing a doctor seems to make this decision easier.
Finally, be direct and speak with them about having a home care agency come out and meet with them. This will allow your loved one to get a sense of exactly what such an agency can do for them. Focus this meeting on what a caregiver from an agency will and won't do. It is important to be specific about the tasks the caregiver will perform and won't perform. Let them know that they are still in control, and that the home care process can add significantly to everyone's peace of mind.
As a recap, when talking to your loved one, keep all discussions with them positive. Treat them as an equal and don't parent them! And remember, let your loved ones make their own decisions. Your job is to help them make those decisions, not to make the decisions for them.
Visiting Angels® Can Help!
Here in the Tampa Bay area of Florida, let us demonstrate that Visiting Angels is "America's Choice In Home Care!" If you would like to set up a free no-obligation assessment for your loved one, or just want to speak with one of our friendly and knowledgeable Angels, just give us a call at 813-909-2550, or, 727-841-8440. If you prefer, you can send us an email at wecare@visitingangelstampabay.com and we'll get right back to you.
Show Your Loved One You Care Today!
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