How to Handle Chronic Complainers

"Life ain't easy!" And with this sentiment comes permission to complain ... and complain we do ... about everything from the weather to our weight. The issue is not that we have the right to complain and that life is not always fair, but that some of us (and I think we are all guilty of this from time-to-time) complain constantly with no apparent understanding of how our complaining is affecting those around us. Sometimes life isn't fair, and yes, sometimes we come across people who are simply unhappy in life, yet the question here is how best do we handle those situations? Let's take a look at some solutions to dealing with chronic complainers ...
It is important to understand the nature, or motivation if you will, of a chronic complainer. Some people can be identified as either pessimists or optimists; however, chronic complainers are neither. Rather, they are folks who, generally speaking, are seeking validation for their situations or their emotions.
As Guy Winch, Ph.D. puts it in his article, The Squeaky Wheel, on www.psychologytoday.com, July 15, 2011: "Optimists see a glass half full – pessimists see a glass half empty – a chronic complainer sees a glass that is slightly chipped holding water that isn't cold enough, probably because its tap water when I asked for bottled water and wait, there's a smudge on the rim too, which means the glass wasn't cleaned properly and now I'll probably end up with some kind of virus – why do these things always happen to me?!"
Dr. Winch offers three suggestions:

1. Try not to convince the chronic complainer that things are not as bad as they think, as this will only conjure up multiple other complaints
2. Validate the chronic complainer's feelings
3. Don't offer advice.

In addition to Dr. Winch's suggestions, Sherri Kruger in her www.excelle.monster.com article, "How to Handle Chronic Complainers," suggests:

1. Think before you speak. Don't complain to hear yourself complain. Rather, understand why you need to tell others about your situation and determine, before you speak, if the situation is truly unique or are you simply complaining.
2. Have a plan. Complaining can be legitimate and not necessarily for selfish reasons. However, if it is legit, how will it get resolved? Make a plan to fix the situation.
3. Change your perspective. Learn to be empathetic towards others' situations (those you may be complaining about) rather than complaining about that person or their actions.
4. Be grateful. Learn to enjoy where you are in life and not get caught up in the "I need to have more than my neighbor syndrome."

Chronic complainers can be a pain in the "you know what!" Yet, with some forethought and careful dialogue, you can probably diffuse most negative situations and, although not totally change the person, you should be able to handle any discomfort you are feeling when you are around the chronic complainer.

.... Jeffrey Johnson